Tuesday, May 11, 2010

You might be a nurse if...

1. The front of your scrubs read..."Nurses...here to save your hind-end, not kiss it!" (I had to edit this one!!!)

2. You occasionally park in the space with the "Physicians Only" sign...and knock it over.

3. You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. You recognize that you can't cure stupid.

5. You own at least 3 pens with prescription medication names on them.

6. You believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.

7. You believe the saying "It can't get any worse" causes it to get worse, just to show you it can.

8. You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.

9. You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.

10. You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.

11. Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

12. You've been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.

13. You've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, brow ring, and twelve ear rings say..."I'm afraid of needles!"

14. You've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.

15. You've told a confused patient that your name is that of a co-worker and to call if they need help.

16. Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago water tank.

17. You believe that not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.

18. Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the entire time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down X-rays.

19. You don't get excited about blood unless it's your own.

20. You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon!

21. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly natural.

22. You idea of fine dining is anywhere you can find to sit down to eat.

23. Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

24. You believe that Prozac should come in a form of aerosol.

25. You believe that "a shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.

26. You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.

27. You believe that unspeakable evils will fall on anyone that utters the phrase..."Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?"

28. You've ever wanted to write a book titled..."Suicide...getting it right the first time".

29. You've ever had a patient look you in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."

30. You've had to leave a patient's room before you laugh uncontrollably!

Happy Nurses Week to everyone out there!!!

8 comments:

Sheila

Oh, Karen...that is so funny! I can hear you saying, well, most of them! :) I'll never forget how you used to entertain us at the supper table with tales of your clinical days (remember George?), your days as a CNA at the nursing homes,the funny things that happened on the rehab floor (the tatoo!!!) & still...some of the tales you tell, names withheld of course. You are a wonderful nurse, & part of it is because you have a great sense of humor. We love your funny stories--just not to gory ones so much!

Tricia G.

So true....LOL! :o)

Carol

Karen Lynn, that's hysterical! I'm pretty sure you and I can relate to nearly ALL listed!! (didn't you have an old patient at the nursing home named Glen??? Or maybe Glenn??
Thanks for sharing! I'm not sure I would have taken the time to check your blog in the next few days. I sure wish you were coming out for Kylie's big weekend.
Love you and miss you!!!

Anonymous

So cute! Had a good laugh to start my day at work.

Karen Walden

I sure did Carol! Remember...he would always say..."I'm gonna lay down!" 2 seconds after I got him out of bed! :o)

Wish we were coming to Kansas this weekend too! Have a fun weekend!

Sharra

That is so funny. I'm sure you encounter some very interesting things.

Carol

Karen, you need to just hop in your Yukon and head out here. We'll make room.

Debbie

This is hilarious!!! We talked about the Prozac one just today!!!! Lol!!!!