1. The front of your scrubs read..."Nurses...here to save your hind-end, not kiss it!" (I had to edit this one!!!)
2. You occasionally park in the space with the "Physicians Only" sign...and knock it over.
3. You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. You recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5. You own at least 3 pens with prescription medication names on them.
6. You believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.
7. You believe the saying "It can't get any worse" causes it to get worse, just to show you it can.
8. You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9. You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10. You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
11. Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
12. You've been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13. You've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, brow ring, and twelve ear rings say..."I'm afraid of needles!"
14. You've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
15. You've told a confused patient that your name is that of a co-worker and to call if they need help.
16. Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago water tank.
17. You believe that not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.
18. Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the entire time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down X-rays.
19. You don't get excited about blood unless it's your own.
20. You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon!
21. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly natural.
22. You idea of fine dining is anywhere you can find to sit down to eat.
23. Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
24. You believe that Prozac should come in a form of aerosol.
25. You believe that "a shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
26. You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
27. You believe that unspeakable evils will fall on anyone that utters the phrase..."Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?"
28. You've ever wanted to write a book titled..."Suicide...getting it right the first time".
29. You've ever had a patient look you in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
30. You've had to leave a patient's room before you laugh uncontrollably!
Happy Nurses Week to everyone out there!!!